Unhappiness ruins everything.

I was having coffee with my friend Katy the other day when she said, “You have the perfect life.” My first reaction was, “Oh, poor baby, you are sadder than I thought.” I had the grace (for once) to keep those thoughts to myself and only say, “You think so?”

In the car on the way home, I tried to take an honest assessment and realized I do have everything I’ve always wanted.

Yes, there are plenty of things I haven't gotten yet (see previous post) but I have my little house with a garden, an amazing husband who adores me, two cats, some great friendships. The bills are being paid on time, I have an enjoyable part time job where I am appreciated and I have time to write.

So when do I start being happy?

I know for a fact that I am not happy because I took The Happiness Test. You can take it too on the BBC Happiness page. No kidding, here’s the link. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/happiness_formula/.

The question is, if even the best outside circumstances don't bring happiness, what does?

There has been much research done lately on the recipe for happiness. The consensus for the basic ingredients seems to be: Religion or spirituality, a good marriage, friendships and meaningful work (paid or otherwise).

Which doesn’t explain my current unhappiness. Here’s my theory: it doesn’t matter what you have if you don't get rid of some of the blocks to happiness.

Think of a happy life as a batch of chocolate chip cookies. (I get happy just thinking about chocolate chip cookies). You've got flour, eggs, butter, sugar, chocolate chips and vinegar. The face you just made sums it up exactly. No matter what you do, cookies with vinegar in them will taste like vinegar. The perfect life with added bitterness, anger, hatred, fear or anxiety will be sour.

As an added bonus, any of these bad ingredients will cast out the good. How long can you have good friends, a loving spouse etc. if you are anxious, bitter or angry?

It's a catch 22. You are angry because you don't have the perfect life. You can't have the perfect life because you are angry. (No worries, you wouldn't be able to enjoy it if you did).

The solution? As with everything else, it seems to start from the inside out. Lucky us.


Unhappiness is like the flu; we get so wrapped up in our own misery it is impossible to enjoy anything. On a cold, gray February day we dream of the chance to lie around home and watch movies in our bathrobe. The day comes that you have a fever and a bad cough and -bam – sitting home watching tv isn’t as much fun as you thought.

Prayer for the day: Dear God, show me how let go of the vinegar in my life.