Promises, commitments and vows I won 't keep

Things I have vowed not to do over the years:

Drink coffee
Eat sugar
Drink vodka
Drink beer
Drink any alcohol
Wait for my husband
Nag at my husband for being late
Get mad at customers
Get angry at my mother
Sleep too much
Leave my shoes (or books) lying around

Things I have vowed to do:

Exercise daily
Write daily
Eat well
Keep my house clean
Make x number of phone calls every day
Call my mother
Read self-help books
Chant or pray daily

I am a miserable failure. I have broken every one of those promises many times. The only thing on those lists that I have accomplished is to stay away from vodka for this last year. And who's to say I won't drink vodka again someday if the moment is right?

Today I vow not to make any more promises to myself. I won't put myself on a housecleaning schedule that I pay no attention to. I will not promise to lay my clothes out the night before work. I will not guarantee that I will write anything. I don't know if I will ever go to the gym again (although I suspect I will). I will not promise to avoid sugar or coffee. I might take a nap this afternoon.

Instead I vow to listen to that inner voice - the Voice of the Divine. Am I hungry? Do I need another cup of coffee? Is a 15-minute nap going to be as refreshing as an hour?

Maybe I am hungry, another cup of coffee would be just the thing or I'm tired enough to sleep for 2 hours.

There are promises I must make and plan to keep.

I committed to my husband which (in our case) means I promise to: live here daily, avoid inappropriate relationships with other men, not take a job out of state, not make big financial decisions without consulting him, spend some time building our relationship daily. These are spoken and unspoken promises between us that I love to keep.

I have also committed to my house. There is mortgage and taxes of course; promises to the bank and the government. There are small, unspoken commitments to my neighbors about keeping the lawn down and the garbage off the front gravel.

These promises I find easy to keep because they give so much in return. For the cost of a mortgage I have this wonderful little place to live for which I am daily grateful. In return for my small sacrifices in marriage, I have a wonderful, loving relationship and a security and safety in my life that was missing before.

Could a commitment to an income-producing activity (i.e. a job or a career) be such a thing? Is there something I could enjoy doing so much that the sacrifice of time and energy seem like a small sum to pay for the return in income and satisfaction?

Today's prayer:

God show me the path that will bring me financial security, the joy of doing work I love and the satisfaction of a job well done.