Should everyone be happy?

Growing up, I don't remember anyone saying it was important to be happy. It's not like anyone said, "Be unhappy" or bitter or resigned or anything else for that matter. Just nobody talked about it. I remember a lot of talk about duty, God's will, hard work, patience, endurance, obedience, honor.

I think happiness was assumed to be like peace and beauty; some hippie notion out of California. Happiness could be lumped with leisure time and homosexuality; it led to a weakening of American morals. I bet too much talk about happiness could have gotten you labeled a "socialist" and kicked out of the Elks Club.

So the other day I get this random message from the Universe saying, "Be happy." Not just be happy, but be the happiest person on the planet.

Ok, let's assume this mandate is couched as a bit of an exaggeration. Let's assume that I am only supposed to be as happy as I can personally be. That's still a pretty radical notion.

What if everyone got this message? What would people do? Would the garbage get collected? Would anyone work in retail? Who would clean public toilets?

I try to picture it.Politicians would stop talking about the First and Second Amendments so much and talk about that "Pursuit of Happiness" phrase in the Declaration of Independence.

But isn't that what America is all about? Aren't the ads for cars, teeth whiteners and fabric softeners all geared at selling us happiness? When politicians talk about protecting the American Dream and The American Way of Life aren't they talking about our pursuit of happiness? Everyday thousands of people cross our borders legally and illegally because they think they will be happier here.

So I am claiming this right. I have once fought for and claimed the right to my own life. Liberty will be a topic for another day. Today I declare my right to pursue happiness.

Ok, took a hiatus to assess my life and put some things in order. Why does it seem so hard to write after only 3 weeks? I think about writing all the time. Topics and ideas float around in my head constantly. I think the difference between a writer and a wannabe is more about hard work than talent.

While I was doing all this - ahem - productive thinking about writing, I came up with a list of ideas for the blog and it seems all the ideas can be brought back to a central theme: Why Are We Here? What are we supposed to be doing with our time on earth?

As I was meditating the other day, I received a strange message. It said, "Your job is to be the happiest person on the planet."

What?

How am I going to make money being the happiest person on the planet?

Besides, what kind of dumb job is that? It certainly doesn't take a lot of skill to be The Happiest Person on the Planet. Does it? Besides, I am sure there is some 80-year old wise man living on a much more enlightened continent who already has that job sewn up.

But that's the message, folks, "Be Happy."

In my last post I listed the agreed-upon formula for happiness. I also noted that one had to get rid of any blocks to happiness. In the three weeks since I last posted I learned another valuable lesson about happiness: "Quit trying so damn hard."

The message I got didn't tell me to go out and do anything. It said, "be." Specifically, "be happy."

That sounds like a lifetime assignment. I'm getting started.

Thanksgiving at my sister's house in Kansas. 8 grandkids, 2 dogs and a mountain of food.

Aug 13, 2005. The most beautiful wedding ever. I should know, I spent a million hours planning it. Events since then: Cancer, chemotherapy, radiation, a dui, sobriety, lawyers, bills, bills, bills, a teenager graduated and gone, more house remodeling. Dave looks exactly the same. I look a hundred years older.

Unhappiness ruins everything.

I was having coffee with my friend Katy the other day when she said, “You have the perfect life.” My first reaction was, “Oh, poor baby, you are sadder than I thought.” I had the grace (for once) to keep those thoughts to myself and only say, “You think so?”

In the car on the way home, I tried to take an honest assessment and realized I do have everything I’ve always wanted.

Yes, there are plenty of things I haven't gotten yet (see previous post) but I have my little house with a garden, an amazing husband who adores me, two cats, some great friendships. The bills are being paid on time, I have an enjoyable part time job where I am appreciated and I have time to write.

So when do I start being happy?

I know for a fact that I am not happy because I took The Happiness Test. You can take it too on the BBC Happiness page. No kidding, here’s the link. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/happiness_formula/.

The question is, if even the best outside circumstances don't bring happiness, what does?

There has been much research done lately on the recipe for happiness. The consensus for the basic ingredients seems to be: Religion or spirituality, a good marriage, friendships and meaningful work (paid or otherwise).

Which doesn’t explain my current unhappiness. Here’s my theory: it doesn’t matter what you have if you don't get rid of some of the blocks to happiness.

Think of a happy life as a batch of chocolate chip cookies. (I get happy just thinking about chocolate chip cookies). You've got flour, eggs, butter, sugar, chocolate chips and vinegar. The face you just made sums it up exactly. No matter what you do, cookies with vinegar in them will taste like vinegar. The perfect life with added bitterness, anger, hatred, fear or anxiety will be sour.

As an added bonus, any of these bad ingredients will cast out the good. How long can you have good friends, a loving spouse etc. if you are anxious, bitter or angry?

It's a catch 22. You are angry because you don't have the perfect life. You can't have the perfect life because you are angry. (No worries, you wouldn't be able to enjoy it if you did).

The solution? As with everything else, it seems to start from the inside out. Lucky us.


Unhappiness is like the flu; we get so wrapped up in our own misery it is impossible to enjoy anything. On a cold, gray February day we dream of the chance to lie around home and watch movies in our bathrobe. The day comes that you have a fever and a bad cough and -bam – sitting home watching tv isn’t as much fun as you thought.

Prayer for the day: Dear God, show me how let go of the vinegar in my life.